The Hard Question: Fuckbook VS Blackbook

Corinne & 2Words by Billie Jenkins

A friend recently described in detail his technique for picking up women on Tinder. Leaving the app unopened from Sunday to Wednesday on his return he could be certain the faces stacked at the top of the pile had already given him a yes swipe. Keeping things local he then knew there were a handful of single women in a ten mile radius of native Peckham who might be up for some rough and tumble with a guy like him. Wednesday to Friday is the chat up phase, then boom, there’s a girl he thinks is hot, who thinks he’s hot, drunk in one of her locals. What a coincidence it’s his local too. Another friend says he gets laid more through Plenty of Fish than meeting people in the real world. It’s not just traditional internet nookie sourcing that you have to watch for either, a little internet research reveals Coachsurfer is secretly harbouring a community of nymphomaniacs, hot European pussy just ready to do terrible things for the prospect of a mattress and an extra pillow. This may be a internet equivalent of lad bragging, but I have a sneaking suspicion there is a glimmer of truth amongst the it all.

This might be a cynical way to go about things, personally I think the throes of passion are more enjoyable when you’re not checking your iPhone to see if Easy Hottie No.2 is up for a quickie when Easy Hottie No. 1 is in the bathroom. I’m not passing judgement at all though, I’ve just got no game play, the illicit encounters equivalent of Mark from Peep Show. This is what makes the internet such an opportunity for those who aren’t the Russell Brands of this world, we’ll never play at the professional level of the power pullers but we can get in on the game. Mr Tinder is hot property, but Mr Plenty of Fish is just a normal guy who knows the power of expectation and an already paid train fare. You might have to experiment with your parameters, but sex is out there waiting to be had. Here we break down some of the apps that will get you laid.

Everyone’s favourite game for Friday night at the pub serves both serious daters and serious sexers. You know you both think each other is fit, so it’s rude not to right?

For the gay community only I’m afraid, which is a shame because Grindr has nailed getting nailed. Some have profile pictures of faces, some have profile pictures of penis’, all are open about why they’re there. You can favourite your best lays, and recommend to others, so it becomes a kind of Top Trumps for casual encounters. Also it’s a great way of outing when you’re out and about on a Friday night, just hope you’re married neighbour isn’t on there.

Adult Friend Finder
Owned by the Penthouse group Adult Friend Finder is the world’s biggest online casual hook up site. Aimed at no strings and swingers it follows a pretty straight forward concept. Log on, post personals, get laid. In reality though there are paid models and escorts behind a lot of the sites female profiles. It’s their job to get you to pay to use certain features of the site. Also expect hookers galore. If you’re there wondering why Amy, 21 with double D’s has eluded you until now, it’s not the large object in your jeans you hoped it would be.

Plenty More Fish
2.5 Million profiles of serial shaggers. A college swears by it. Don’t expect any lithe nympho’s to come knocking on your door though (or if they do assume they’ll want reimbursing), this is a place for quantity. If your marriage has broken down and your planning a wild month to get you back in the game then hit Plenty of Fish all guns blazing. If you don’t want to be on the receiving end of that, don’t. – Naughty Dating
We’ve all seen the adverts and thought to ourselves why am I being offered an opportunity for dirty sex whilst I’m trying to eat my beans on toast and watch some How I Met Your Mother in peace? The only other time I get propositioned like that is whilst seeking slightly more illicit material, and I feel like I’ve earnt the offense; FYI ‘Ugly girls need sex too’ flashing up onto my desktop is offensive. Probably the most sensible choice if you want to skip the game play and head straight for the sheets.
Really? Do you hate women?

And if all else fails, sometimes good old print can save you…


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