The Oscars, a hyperthetical

Bill_imagesWords by Billie Jenkins

Hype, hype, hype. I’m not sure if you’ve read anywhere but the Oscars are happening next month. Whether you find them kinda a big deal or not there is one thing well worth indulging in: gossip. The only scandals to hit the event so far have been relatively boring but here is what Corinne& will be hoping to see at the event:

James Franco doing a Robin Thicke. We love James Franco, and his performance in Springbreakers was spellbinding if not a little grotesque. But he’s been teetering for a while now. At first we hoped he was being ironic, N.B. his poetry, his collecting degrees, but now were thinking it wouldn’t be the unfunniest thing if he believed his own hype. We imagine this comes to a head at the Oscars where he wins, whilst simultaneously alienating America by imitating a sex act on a distressed Selena Gomez, blaming it on his character Alien, and wondering for the next month why Seth Rogen won’t return his calls. Consider this S**t.

J Law smoking a spliff in the toilets with Emma Thompson like a naughty schoolgirl, then giggling ’this is really boring, let’s go and get chicken’ a little to loudly whilst Cate Blanchett accepts her Best Actress award.

At last months Screen Actors Guild Awards Mad Men’s Elizabeth Moss stuck her finger up at a horrified E channel’s ’mani-cam’ and Cate Blanchett quizzed a cameraman ’do you do that to the guys?’ as he took a sweeping body shot. We hope this attitude stays on the red carpet at the Oscars. Perhaps Sandra Bullock could wear an astronaut suit and just respond ’pencildik’ every time an innuendo is made about working with George Clooney, or Rachael Weisz, when asked what she’s wearing, will simply respond ’James Bond’s cum’ – because she can.

Kanye West turning up without an invite, and running on stage during the Best Film Award acceptance speech to proclaim. ’Imma let you finish, but the Coen Brothers made the most…..’

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