Wunch of Bankers

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 Words by Billie Jenkins Image courtesy of ”The Secret of Other Peoples Jobs’ Odhams Press

Wednesday saw the annual Tory Party fundraiser, and the vampires came out to play. The highlight of the night was the auction. A Russian banker, previously declared an “impermissible donor”, paid £160,000 to play tennis with David Cameron and Boris Johnson. The only circumstances under which I could comprehend paying such a large sum for such a sad occasion, would be if could take the ball serving machine and let rip on the fuckers little faces, and watch their grey, pate chins wobble as they fight back tears.  It’s all democratic though, poor people just don’t play tennis with tories because they’re to busy sinking shrapnel at Noble Amusements and not getting their foot on the housing ladder, so it’s left to the investment bankers to take one for the team. Four years wages in a minimum wage job (things are grim up north), would have got you a bottle of champagne signed by Margret Thatcher. Less flashy was the honey produced by the bees of foreign office minister Hugo Swire, which came in at £15,000. Anyone who’s seen Vanishing of the Bees will be aware the Tories increased interest in bee keeping has led many of the species disappearing, causing international panic. It seems odd that many of the attendees choose to skip the auction all together, giving money without even buying anything. At least I don’t think they were buying anything. Controversially the guest list for the do is being kept secret, however the negative press emerging is small change compared when last years guest list was leaked, revealing the 449 attendees had a combined wealth of £11bn.

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